What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 01:09
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Why does TikTok allow porn stars in its platform? Isn't it aimed at teenagers?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Have husbands and wives ever had a threesome with someone in real life? How did it happen?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Im still living with it.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I waited trembling.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
My family never makes their pension either.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Should transgender Ideology be renamed "Gender Revisionism/Biological Denialism"?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
We were not on the streets..
I write beautiful poetry .
Why are most girls not open to the idea of anal sex?
He knew the spot.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I think the readers, may guess!
Why is the word "democracy" not in the preamble of the US Constitution?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But it wasn’t much.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I'm British and feel ashamed of the crimes of British colonialism. What should I do?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Why do I feel sleepy after massage?
She was in good health!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Ive learnt so much.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He resisted the act ,that day.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
What did i know ?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I will be 64.
Put me off passion for life!!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She found it foreign!.
This is soul school!.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was scared of men, in general
Comes on , in middle age.
I couldn’t, believe it.
When she asked me how she looked .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Would this be the day?
I have no regrets .
I was 9 years of age.
I don,t even have a pension.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
So, i spoilt her more .
Who then, do I blame.?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My life is so biszare .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I never cut or harmed myself..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
So whats the point in blame.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
One cannot live in the past .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And i lived it daily.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But ive been too sick for many years..
(And it was in our own minds.)
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She wouldn,t have been !
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
It was going to be , some day.
I was very sick at this time too.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I could never make a relationship work though!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
We all went to grammer schools
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But, we were locked up after school.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She loved him until the end.
All the time i was locked up.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She married twice! .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I was seconnd youngest,
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I said to her
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Why did i forgive my father ?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,